Broken thoughts

And so the summer dreams crumble, reality kicks in and we find ourselfs in a black and white world, where everything is forbitten, everything is hidden...

A short time of careless happiness numbs a bent soul. Healing it requires a longer process, that if we are lucky enough to find the right treatment. I've found mine.But my luck has its limits...
My way out of this bottomless pit was interrupted by the intervention of a mind sicker than mine, a broken soul that can't find a way to cure itself. The blackness of its sorrow envies my road to happiness. The same blackness forces it to block my way out, if it can't escape its own misery, why remain alone, why let me find inner peace, why help me liberate myself? Doesn't it know that once out, I would break the gates of its hell and drag it into my happiness, drag it near me to enjoy the warmth of the sun and the joys of life?

And so you start to think again...

You realize that the comfort you had from your treatment wasn't enough. Until you're fully healed, your salvation is your drug.
I like this drug. Although I know I've become an addict, although I need a 72 hours fix every 24 hours, I like this drug. As any other, this one too might have results or side effects. The result would be unconditional happiness, trust, learning to feel again... An aftereffect would be bending me harder or even breaking me, sending me deeper in a world of self inflicted pain... Not physical pain, that would be merciful  but the worse kind of pain, the mental one.

And so I remember my short anodyne happiness, the sensation of allowing myself to feel again.

I am willing to take my chance on this drug, I am willing put myself in another of life's roulette game... Even if my odds are small, at least I'll know I tried, I'll go to sleep at night sobbing, but I'll know I tried...


And so you stop, and so I stop to think again...

Ploua cu cenusa...

Nori de cenusa trec deasupra noastra, peste noi, prin noi...
Vremea ne strica starea de spirit, viziunea lumii, culoarea ochilor. Vrem sa citim, sa dormim, sa nu facem nimic, sa vegetam vazandu-ne viata trecand prin fata ochilor. Eu vreau sa scriu...mai greu cu talentul si inspiratia.

Daca as reusi sa ma concentrez, ar iesi ceva mai elevat, mai coerent...ceva cu sens, nu aberatile fara noima, de pana acum...

Un vartej de cuvinte mi se impleticeste in cap, amestesc! Cad! Cad in ganduri nefaste, cad in lacrimi de ganduri, cad in neant... In abisul gandurilor mele nu mai gasesc nimic, e un haos de idei, de dorinte, de vorbe ce nu pot fi zise... Facultate, familie, dragoste, servici, dureri, pofte, chinuri fara rost care ma fac sa zbier in mine, sa deprim in culori, si ma zvarcolesc de ciuda...

I's not a ferret's day...

Behind blue eyes...

Lume lume, sfoara in tara: M-am intors! :))

Am internet! oh, ce veste minunata!!!

Revenind pe valurile internetului, navighez de vreo 2 ore in nestire.. nimic nou sau interesant... Ascultand muzica, m-a cuprins dorul de cel de departe... Cine-i? Asta o las la interpretarea fiecaruia ^^
Imi era dor de sentimentul acesta de siguranta si fericire.
Ma gandesc si zambesc...este superb.

Pe acorduri de chitara, mintea-mi zboara, ma napadesc amintiri, intru in lumea mea, unde norocul ma petrece si doar realitatea e nemuritoare si rece...dar nu ma gandesc la ea mereu, la fel ca fata din poveste, ma gandesc la ea doar noaptea cand e intuneric, nimeni nu ma vede, nu-mi vede expresia trista si dezamagita de lumea din jur...ziua zambesc, sunt fericita, am ocazia sa traiesc, si traiesc relativ bine, cum spune preanefericitul presedinte. Eu sunt mai norocoasa, am un luceafar ce ma vegheaza zi si noapte, din pacate numele lui e Constiinta, drept pt care ne mai certam din cand in cand...de fapt destul de des...si are un talent extraordinar de a castiga in cele din urma...dar nu mereu, mai avem si remize.
Reveniind la lumea mea, nu prea vreau sa o descriu, exista riscul sa primesc o camasa alba cu maneci lungi daca o fac. Voi da putine detalii daca trebuie.

Este o lume unde '' atat de aproape, necontand cat de departe, ne putand fii mai din inima, intodeauna avand incredere in cine suntem, nimic altceva nu conteaza''. Nu se intelege nimic, asa-i? Ei, bine, cunoscatorii o sa inteleaga! Eu va las in suspans.

Inca o camila si ma culc.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgiGrXpOhYg

...oO chocolate ferret Oo...